Quite easily the most difficult post I've ever written: how to talk to (and get to know) women of the geeky variety...

Why,

thanks to River Song this is now my de facto greeting

Okay, so, this is probably the third incarnation of this post that I've written before reaching the middle point and scrapping everything altogether. I know that a lot of you may be wondering just why it is that this is so difficult considering that I am indeed, a woman. Well, the issue here is that I am a very particular woman, and what may fly for other women most definitely does NOT fly with me and vice versa. Honestly, I can always tell if I'm going to like a person within the first few minutes of meeting them just by the things they tell me and the way they act around me. So, imagine me trying to generalize the way I am and pretend that all women are just like me?

 right, cause i'm SO special.

I figured the best thing for me to do here is to explain what I prefer in people when being approached--and that's just it, I hate being approached romantically. 

For me, there is nothing worse than when a person decides that they are going to completely ignore the option of getting to know me as a genuine friend and seeing if I'm even remotely what they're looking for in a partner. And when I say genuine, I don't mean the whole "let's be friends until I can find enough of an avenue to hit on you or ease you into a relationship", I mean legit, non-sexualized friendship. Apparently this is a rare enough thing, because out of ten men (I've yet to have this problem with a woman--just stating the truth here) I meet on Twitter, seven of them end up hitting on me after asking the same old questions: 

So what games are you into?

What's your favorite game?
What's your favorite comic and why?
What are your favorite movies? What music do you listen to?
How are you? (typically, this wouldn't be so bad if the person weren't really using it as a segue into how THEY are doing, regardless of how I answer)

Usually, once I answer these questions, the person will try and one up me with their own experience/favorite game/etc. to... idfk, make me so impressed with them I send nudes?? OR they'll say something like "Wow! We have so much in common. I really like talking to you, so do you mind if I got your number?"

YES. YES I DO MIND.

Do you know WHY I mind so much (besides the fact I'm pseudo-married of course)? Because once you take it to that level, you've effectively displayed that you could care less what my answers to your questions were because you were simply giving me your attention in the hopes that I would reciprocate your advances with my number, like some sort of a reward. It's literally like a bad Dating 101 class (ask her what she likes--girls LOVE talking about themselves! Just keep asking questions, seem interested!) acted out in real life. For me, going through the motions is getting really old; yet, I keep answering and I keep acting like I don't know exactly where things are going simply because I don't want to be rude and I don't want to come off like an arrogant person. But, in reality, don't you think it's a little obvious that you have more than friendship in mind when you send a private Tweet versus a public one (not that ALL people who send DMs are looking for e-poon, but you catch my drift)?

47 DMs?! WHY THE HOLY FUCK?

The best way to get on my good side (and perhaps on the good side of other geeky women out there) is to not go into social interactions with me with the intent of getting my number, getting a relationship started, or anything of the sort. Literally, imagine talking to me as you would a bro. Would you honestly go into a friendship with another man and ask him ten million questions with the end goal of somehow scoring a phone number? Well, I guess maybe someone out there might, but I think I'm safe in suggesting that most people won't. 

Guys, let a woman become fond of your personality. Have interests, hobbies, contribute to a conversation without coming off condescending or trying to somehow compete with the woman you're talking to if she's into the same things you are. Yes, I know, if you were talking to another man you may just try and compete, but in this aspect, I ask that you test the waters first. See if she is competitive, then act accordingly. A little common sense goes a LONG way in this area, which leads me to another thing: if you actively go searching for a love-interest, you will almost never find one. In my experience, these things happen randomly, with the people you least expect. So, just relax. Don't worry about scoring a date with that girl. Become her friend first; forget she's a girl in the first place. Talk about your interests, yes, but also talk about things that are going on in the world around you. Share opinions. Debate. But, most importantly, laugh together. If you can't naturally laugh with a girl, then chances are a relationship won't work in the slightest. Take it from me, I've been there. 

Also, one last thing: please, for the love of god, do NOT try and hit on a woman because you HAVE to. What do I mean by this? Well, let's say you see a woman who's into comics, games, action movies and (for random specificity's sake) Godzilla, and feel that those traits are HIGHLY desirable--so desirable, in fact, that you couldn't live with yourself if you didn't at least try to get her number. After all, you don't want her to be 'the one that got away' do you?

oh god.

Listen. How many men out there do you think had the same thought process before you? How many men do you think felt that they just HAD TO TRY and make a move just to see if it would result in anything? If the girl is anything like me (mind you, not that I'm that special or anything, but I do bitch and moan about things that some guys find interesting) the number is quite high. So when yet ANOTHER guy comes along and tries to hit on me with whatever tactic he feels works best (note the use of the word tactic--if you're using strategy to get a girlfriend, something is wrong) it comes off as dull and more of the same thing I've been exposed to. I repeat: love--true, happy, compatible and functional love--comes randomly and when you least expect it. Trying too hard to find it is killing you, Smalls. 

So with all of that said, hopefully you more or less understand that women are NOT Bioware games that will respond favorably depending on your conversational choice. 

OH! AND MAJOR NOTE:

Stay away--FAR, FAR AWAY--from seduction techniques; i.e. r/seduction and all that CRAP. It's nonsensical, misogynist bullshit that objectifies and degrades women. I, personally, know exactly when that shit is being used, and it's an automatic blacklist. Don't do it. 

go young grasshopper, you are ready.

So life moves on, with or without you. Go figure.

Hello ladies and gents. 

Today's post is both a terrible, tragic one and an amazing, super happy one. I literally had no idea that I could feel soul shattering sadness and unbelievable ecstatic joy at the very same time just 24 hours ago, so bear with me. 

Firstly, there has been a death in my family.

At around 3:30 am yesterday, my unofficial brother-in-law (he would have become my official brother-in-law soon enough; he was already mentioning marriage and kids) suffered an aneurysm and collapsed at his friend's house after having watched a movie with a friend and his girlfriend (my sister; they had been dating over a year). He hadn't been feeling well and suffered from headaches for quite some time, but always shrugged them off and refused to see a doctor because he "hated getting check-ups". On the night of his rupture, he had been suffering from a particularly terrible headache when he suddenly felt what we believe is the actual pain of the rupture and told my sister to call an ambulance. Only a few hours later he fell into a coma, and less than eight hours after that was declared brain dead. He was 22. 

My sister is doing amazingly well; she's calm, keeping her emotions together, and being strong for his family. I have no idea how she's doing this, considering I can hear it in her voice that she's one memory away from shattering--if I were in her position, I would be inconsolable. Yet, here she is, soldiering on, thinking about all the work than needs to be done before she begins her senior year in high school, wiping away her tears silently. She hasn't left his side since he collapsed--through everything, she has been at the hospital and has slept there the past two nights. She's there now, even though he's already dead, because she won't leave until they finally remove the respirator. 

Never in my life have I ever felt grief for someone else hit so close to home. I've wept at national tragedies, wept at the injustices in the world, wept at the abuse that children suffer daily--but this has been something that I just can't even stand to think about. To think that my sister, someone who enjoyed her partner's company so very much, someone who called him her best friend has to deal with the fact that he's dead in such an unceremonious manner breaks my heart. Especially because the situation she's in is my very worst fear. My husband is my best friend, my soulmate. I couldn't bear to live without him. 

And yet, she's suffering it, she's living this horror. God, I just can't. 

~

But, it's a maddening enough thing that while the world is literally standing on my sister's shoulders right now, life keeps on moving. Today I had a meeting with the real estate agent that would be leasing us the spot for The Paladin's Blade and I couldn't believe I was finally at the point where I could stand inside the space that will be my life's work for the next several years of my life. 

I kept staring around at the awful concrete floor and shitty, water stained ceiling tiles; blank, grey walls stared back at me and I felt stifled by the dark, dank atmosphere of an unfinished space--yet, all I could see was our completed store, ready for sales, painted and filled with merchandise, waiting for people to see her in her full glory. I can't contain how excited I am to be putting so much hard work into a tangible, visible reality right now. There is so much ahead of us and yet, I don't feel overwhelmed or burdened; I feel ready.

oh hell yes.

To add to the news, we also received word from our lender that all of the paperwork has been processed and we can officially open our account. Judging by this, I would say that The Paladin's Blade will be open by late September/early October if all goes to plan. The biggest hassle will be setting up our account with the comic book distributors, which take two fucking months to process our order. We're also having a hell of a time with another wholesaler that (due to customer loyalty) doesn't want to let us open our account with them since we are within 20 miles of a competitor that offers their products. FML. Painting, stocking, shelving and all that jazz should take a month at best, and we'll be devoting a week to our special floor endeavor (which will be revealed later... it's going to be badass, I assure you); between all of these little pieces, we'll definitely need a little over 60 days to accomplish everything. 

:)

~

(In memory of Orlando Figueredo, 1990-2013)

~